This morning, I sat in traffic while tears streamed down my cheeks. The woman in the car next to mine made eye contact with me, briefly, then looked away. I turned my eyes back through the front windshield and wondered what she might be thinking just then.
What she didn't know, what she couldn't know, was no sadness or tragedy that had befallen me. No lovers quarrel or death of a family member. I had not just had to put my beloved dog to sleep. It was all quite the opposite, actually. What she was seeing was the indescribable joy that only a music lover knows; The spontaneous welling of celebratory emotion when the music is THAT good.
I don't mind admitting that it always makes me feel more than a little bit like that sweet blonde girl in the viral dating video that, "just loves cats so much." but for me, the insane addiction is to the music.
It is a feeling that is hard to describe it. It's immediate and sharp, like biting into tin foil, but entirely more pleasant. I am the glass that shatters when the tune and the tone team up in a vibrating wall of sound. It hits me like a freight train. My eyes well up and tears spill over. It comes from the heart and when my heart runs out of room, I suppose it just finds another way out.
For a moment there in traffic, I thought about rolling down my window and reassuring the sweet woman that it was all ok. This isnt what it looks like. It's actually a celebration. Let's call in sick and get a beer!
But the light turned green just then.Her car pulled away from mine as if she was in a hurry to escape the sight of my tears. I wiped my cheek and reached down. With the light touch of a finger I pressed the replay button and did it all again.